Comparison is deadlier then you think. Here’s what I did.

Last summer, I attended my son’s graduation function – he finished primary school. I along with other parent was excited about the celebration. It was a celebration of their success and hard-work. I did not know there were awards to be presented to students for their academic and all-round achievements. Then I remembered my son told me “Dad, I might win an award tonight.” I was kind of nervously excited as the awards were announced. I kept on telling myself – oh, it would be next the award; however, I was disappointed. My son did not win a single award.

On the way back home, my son said, “he is so happy that many of his friends won awards.” I asked, “how do you feel about not winning an award?”. He replied, “I will work hard next year.”

I remained calm – at least from outside – but my inner Naishadh was in turmoil. For me, I, as a parent, also failed. Despite of knowing that I MUST not compare my child to other children; I could not stop it. At the level of knowledge, I know comparison destroys self-esteem. And, all that blah, blah, blah…

However, that knowledge did not help me overcome the feeling failure. And, it was not the first time I was experiencing as a failure. I have had similar experiences in past. This time it was different.

There is lot of positive thinking crap around comparison. I think it does not help.

To compare is to breathe.

YOU just can not stop yourself comparing to someone else. I am sure as you’re reading this, some of you might even compare your and my ability to express views. I assure you I also went through the same process while writing this piece.

In this social media crazy world, we simply cannot escape comparison. It’s right on your face – all the time.

► Seeing your friends travelling to exotic locations while you are bursting your backside to pay credit cards;

► Seeing your friend’s son/daughter’s academic and sports success while your children are average;

► Seeing your friends drive expensive cars while you drive a second-hand car;

► Seeing your friends’ advance their careers while you struggle to hold on to your job

And, there are many more examples. Got the point?

You just cannot escape comparison.

The critical question is what to do once you find yourself comparing to someone. Here’s what is working for me so far.
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<li><strong>Facebook and Instagram FREE life:</strong> I was hooked on to Facebook for many years. It is a very visual medium and has an immediate impact on how you see yourself compared to others. I did not realise it until a day when my close friend who invested in a tech start-up made significant sum of money; when it was sold to a large tech company. I felt hatred for my friend. I was disgusted and horrified with myself. I realised I felt this way because I could not have what he has – lot of money. It was a deep sense of inadequateness that I was failing to fulfil. This was a wake-up call for me and I decided to get out of the Facebook and subsequently Instagram. I still have my Facebook account that I use for messenger. But don’t log-in and use it. It’s been over two years now.</li>
<li><strong>Going back to my purpose:</strong> When I see people in my network advancing their careers, securing speaking gigs, writing books, winning awards; I feel inadequate and a failure. I then go back to my purpose in life. What am I here to accomplish? I am here to kick unemployment out of people’s life. I have chosen a purpose-driven career and proud of it. I always go back to my purpose when find myself comparing. What’s your purpose or context in life?</li>
<li><strong>Take your time to respond: </strong>I allow myself to process the comparison. I know it is uncomfortable – sometimes. But it’s critical that you don’t react to the feeling immediately. Experience the inadequateness and worthlessness and then respond.</li>
<li><strong>Seek help:</strong> If you find yourself in a constant state of sadness and worthlessness due to being inadequate, please seek help from a professional.</li>
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The last thing is, don’t fight with yourself when you find yourself comparing.

Have I achieved mastery in this; no, not at all. It’s a work-in-progress. Would love your hear your views.